Noncon? Noncon!

A deliberately enigmatic title for this blog, designed to reel you in and make you think "how intriguing. What on earth is a Noncon?"

Well, Noncon is my abbreviation for the newest comedy night in Colchester, the NonConformist Comedy Club, which debuts in the town on Wednesday 8th January, 2014. It's a chance for performers new and old to test out material in an open mic setting, with a leaning towards alternative comedy. I am of the opinion that within Colchester itself the opportunities for alternative comedians are few and far between (though nights do exist, such as the Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club at Missoula and the Hole in the Wall Comedy Night), and by putting on Noncon another platform is created.

Typically a slot will last for 5-10 minutes and it'll also give the crowd a chance to give anonymous feedback to performers via comment sheets, so that the experience is interactive and engaging.

Hopefully, this will become a monthly fixture on Colchester's cultural calendar, as I'm certain that there are a number of alternative comics there who are gasping at the chance to perform locally, get their chops and help them along with a burgeoning comedy career. A man can hope...

Anyway, if you'd like to sign up to perform at the event, you can do so via the Facebook event page. As stated, we are more in favour of alternative rather than traditional comics so if you think you fit the bill, please get in contact and we'll be glad to have you

In the meantime, check out this largely unknown gem from the 1990s, Cluub Zarathustra.

Happy dreaming.

AltCom! Number 2! December! 6th!

As you can see, I've been both liberal with my exclamation marks and lax with my grammar with regards to the title of this blog post, but that's because I'm very excited about the next Altcom on December 6th. I've just about managed to hold it together and not wet myself.

So what is the Altcom, exactly? It's a compound word, abbreviating "Alternative" and "Comedy" to make it sound appealing. And appealing it will be. At the first Altcom, we had performances from Stuart Gardener, Timmy Pippins and The Rev. Dr. Ian Prolix?, and was a success, at least in my eyes. That was at 15 Queen Street (http://15queenstreet.org), one of Colchester's Creative Hubs that has groups such as Colchester Write Night and The Arts Forum operating out of it. We've moved from there to St Botolph's Waiting Room (http://www.st-botolphs.org), one of the newest spaces in our historic town that hosts an incredibly wide range of events. I've had the pleasure of hosting two Poetry Open Mics there, as well as going to Phil Mill's (a friend of the workshop) Illuminated Sound evening, which is part of a series of events going under the name Ekohcitra - yes, that is Artichoke backwards - and you can find out more about what they're doing here: https://www.facebook.com/Ekohcitra?fref=ts

Who's on the bill for Altcom? First up we have Dr Yorick McCarthy, a retired doctor who has decided in his dotage that reading skew-whiff Sci-Fi stories is worthwhile. Watch Yorick tell one of his stories here.

Next is Amanda Lay, who takes observational comedy in new, interesting directions, tempered by a cynical yet enthusiastic delivery. Follow Amanda here.


Our headliner for the evening is Keith Sparrow, finalist at this year's Colchester New Comedian of the Year. A very physical, occasionally intimidating performer. In the video below, he talks about the spirit of Christmas.

 

It's going to be worth your while joining us at The Waiting Room on the 6th December. Entry is FREE and there's a licensed bar. If you are very lucky and treat me nice, I'll buy you a drink. That's the ultimate incentive.

Register your interest for the Altcom here, on the Facebook event page. 

My apologies to Holly Powis who was meant to be the next blog poster. I was just too damn excited.

You can also join us at the Workshop next Thursday, where we will be hosting one of our regular meetups at Slack Space. 

Event page is here.- let us know you're coming! Perhaps send us some sketches via colchestercomedyworkshop@gmail.com too. Let's see what you're made of.

Sarek out.

Unplugged

A mere eight days after James filled you in on the latest CCW happenings, here am I fulfilling my duty! That's because I take this blog very seriously, and feel it's vital that I do my bit to support this great institution, and definitely not because I have stuff to plug.

On an entirely unrelated note, have you heard about Clever Dicks Productions? It's a thing that's been started by Colchester Comedy Workshop veterans me and Holly, in no way like rats deserting a sinking ship and forming a comedy double act on another ship and posting hilarious ratty videos to youtube. Though as it happens, we do do that.

Look, here's our youtube channel! There are lots of wonderful things on there that will keep you entertained for hours. And when you've watched everything on there thirty times and want to watch it another thirty times because it's so funny but think you probably shouldn't, what then? Why, you can read our blog! And in case you're afraid of missing anything, you can also like us on Facebook to get all the latest news! In fact you probably should do that right now.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, saying how I don't have stuff to plug. Well I've run out of things to not plug now, so I shall wipe clean the baton on the dirty old rag I keep in my pants for just such an occasion, and pass it on once more. Given the dwindling membership of the CCW I'm not really spoilt for choice, so I shall hand it back to Holly. I wonder if she might have anything she wants to plug.

PS. This was posted by Simon, though it may claim underneath that it was posted by James. This is due to something getting cocked up with multiple Google accounts so that now when I log into the CCW account it actually takes me to James's account, allowing me to steal his identity and take over his life. Luckily for James, his life isn't worth stealing, so I'm not going to.

It's been a while, folks...

I believe it was Holly Powis who once said "James Sarek is to write the next blog post". Or words to that effect.

And here it is.

I know you've all been champing at the bit to find out what's been going on in the world of the Colchester Comedy Workshop and I can only apologise that I have left you there waiting with bated breath. Well, exhale, and let the bate out. The workshop has been in a period of transition and me personally, I've been busy (which includes procrastinating).

So, what have I got to tell you? Two of our stalwarts, Stuart Gardener and Agnes Henson, have moved onto pastures new, namely Sidcup and Leeds, to further their educations and hopefully make their respective marks in the regions comedically. But that doesn't mean things have ground to a halt, oh no - there's lots of fun to come this year.

We're hoping to put together another Comedy Night in the wake of the vaguely successful AltCom held at 15 Queen Street in July, with late November potentially pencilled in at a venue near you (near you if you live in Colchester Town). We aim to bring local quality at an affordable price so that you can all share in the laughter, the tears you cry from laughing too much and the stomach pains you have for the very same reason. There's also a chance we'll have a Comedy Open Mic so you lot can get some chops on the circuit. Sounds good no?

Not only that, we still run two meetings a month - though our regular Tuesday meeting has changed location! We're now at The Waiting Room on the first Tuesday of every month, a new venue in town aimed at us creative types. The second meeting remains at Slack Space on the third Thursday, both starting at 7.30pm. There'll be agendas for meetings sent out in advance so do be on the lookout for that, and get in contact if you'd like to join our mailing list: email us at colchestercomedyworkshop@gmail.com.

We'd also welcome filmmakers into our bosoms to have a go at recording our sketches, our wonderfully funny sketches, some of which have been committed to audio in our fantastic podcast that you can find on Soundcloud, just search for the workshop through Google and you should find it. That'll be something else we hope to keep going.

To my mind, times are exciting and we really welcome newcomers with open arms. Arms that'll we close round you, hug you with, but not to the point of suffocation. You can't say fairer than that.

So, I sign off, and pass the baton onto Simon Goodway to post next. Over to you, Mr Goodway.

Obligatory Blog Post

I have volunteered to quell the lull and create a blog post for our precious blog, which has been so neglected of late.

What with organising the lightbulb festival, performing stand up, moving house, getting into university and
generally lolling about, the members of the marvellous Colchester Comedy Workshop thingy have been far too busy to pour their thoughts into your faces.

I haven’t even updated my own blog! Shock! (plug)

However after a thrilling and slightly clammy meeting last night, ending at the ‘Odd One Out’ for no particular reason, a plan was discussed. A mighty plan! A plan that could see us launching ourselves forward and taking over the world!

We are going to actually become organised!

At least, that is the plan.  

I have suggested (because I am a genius) that we will start a sort of blog relay thingy in which the baton will be passed onto the next willing participant to create a post within a suitable interval. This will DESTROY ALL LULLS! And will probably prevent an overexcited day in which three posts are posted at once. Which is generally thought to be silly.

There will also be more excitement at the meetings! Inspired by the stand up comedy night at our last Tuesday meeting, there will be more of a chance for performance, feedback and evenings dedicated to some passion or other of one of the members. Some could be quite… interesting.

Check out our events page for the dates for the next six months, and keep checking back for more information on each meeting.

So, now is the perfect time to get involved either by storming in and organising your own event, or just turning up and sitting quietly in the corner humming to yourself.

It’s all good.

So in the new great tradition of old I will now end this bloggity blog post and pass the baton of greatness onto our dearly bearded James Sarek.

Showtime!

Saturday 25th May 2013. That date will go down in history as the first ever live performance of the Colchester Comedy Workshop! It rather crept up on us, and we were perhaps less well rehearsed than we'd have liked, so some of us were a bit nervous, and those of us who weren't, quite frankly, should have been. Would it be a triumph, or would we make fools of ourselves - except in the ways we intended to - in front of tens of hundreds of thousands of millions of people? I may be exaggerating the size of the audience.

There were one or two teeny weeny hiccups. The time it took for me to transform myself into a mad Italian chef was longer than had been allocated, leaving poor James and Aggie sitting on stage in silence, but I think we got away with it. And when I performed my incredibly sexy striptease routine, perhaps I shouldn't have put my shirt down in the pasta salad (ably played in this performance by some macaroni cheese). It seemed like a good idea at the time, but for the rest of the show there was macaroni cheese on everything. If you've ever thought it would be really good if everything was covered in macaroni cheese, I can tell you now that you're wrong.

But people laughed in all the right places, so all in all I think we can chalk it up as a magnificent, triumphant debut. Next time we'll have more rehearsals. And less macaroni cheese.

Look at all the clever things!

Right, well it's all kicking off this week! What with books and plays and showcases all heading straight towards your face!

Killing Elizabeth

 If you like the cut of Simon's gib (and who wouldn't?) Then you can download his novel 'Killing Elizabeth which is free all this week on Kindle!

If you've ever tried to murder your wife, you'll know how Adrian Hadley feels.

He doesn't want to kill Elizabeth, but when she kicks him out over a fling with a homeless girl, how can he be sure she'll maintain her silence about the demons in his past? Murder really is the only option. After all, how hard can it be?

Then comes a disastrous encounter with gentleman thief Lewis Tremaine and his grubby sidekick Vern. Suddenly Adrian's perfect crime looks set to destroy him, and his teenage lover Kelly is no help - she's working to her own agenda. Meanwhile Adrian's past is fast catching up with him, and what started as a simple murder is turning into a major headache.

Discover a world of crime, desperation and frantic improvisation in Simon Goodway's thrilling debut novel packed with dark humour, unexpected twists and dogs on crack. 

DOWNLOAD IT NOW  

Onion Gods

A new radio play written by Comedy Workshop member Simon Goodway (the bush) is free to listen to online, performed by the marvellous Frequency Theatre Group. 

Performed by Thomas Edwards (Hulio), Robert Crichton (Captain), Jo Palmer-Tweed (!Masa), Emily Dixon (Nula) and Stephanie Humphries (Silinami).

Stranded on an exotic island, the hunky, slim Hulio and his hefty Captain endeavour to find a way home. What they discover is an isolated civilisation which thinks bigger definitely is better.

Produced by Rich Chilver and Bethany Sharp-McLeod. 
LISTEN NOW

Naked Face Eating Zombies From Romford

This bit of shameless self promotion is about my very own £1 book. It is a six chapter novella packed with comedy that will make you feel sick and slightly ashamed.  

Derek is a miserable git, bursting with impotent rage toward his co-workers; there’s morbidly obese Marjorie, the self important Administrator, Deborah, Gavin, the slim-line-suit-wearing, blue-eyed, berk of a team-leader. Then the Romford based office is attacked by a horde of naked, face-eating zombies. What happens next is a rip-roaring, gut-busting, overwhelmingly satisfying, killing fest.

BUY IT BEFORE YOU KEEL OVER FROM THE DESIRE TO OWN IT


Last, but by no means least!

Colchester Town to Port Festival

Preparations are well underway for the Colchester Comedy Workshop's Showcase which will be part of the Town to Port Festival happening around The Hythe in Colchester on the 25th of May (this Saturday!)

There will be never performed sketches as well as standup and occasional acts of anarchy.

It's ENTRY IS FREE and the Colchester Comedy Workshop showcase will be from 5:15pm to 6:15pm.

Come along and witness scenes that will make you chuckle!

Rehearsing (and plotting)

Following on from that flurry of excitement last week, where it seemed all the members of the Colchester Comedy Workshop were trying to out-do one another with ‘hilarious’ drawings and Shakespeare puns, we’ve all been rather quiet.

I believe this is simply due to the fact that we had a rehearsal for our sketches (to be performed at the Hythe Festival on the 25th of May) on Tuesday evening.

It was all going rather swimmingly, everyone knew all of their lines, we got a little feedback and worked out who was standing where and what was going on and how Father Christmas would get involved, everyone was happy and sparkly... all until the last sketch of the evening.

 

When ‘IT’ happened (no not information technology) I’m referring to the ‘incident’.

No? Still not clear?

Well I’ll have to spell it out for you then, thickie.

I performed.

That’s right. Me, H of the Powis.

You see the thing is that I was simply so astounding in my role, so utterly hilarious and guffaw inducing that, although the others chuckled and laughed at the time, they all went on to realise that during the Colchester Comedy Workshop Showcase they are going to have to follow my performance.

I feel for them, I really do.

In the meantime, of course, they have been quietly ferreting away, working out how they can make their performances awesomer, funnier, more marvellousa than mine.

I wish them luck.

Following On...

I like to think that we all bring something different to the Comedy Workshop. Here is my contribution, following on from what you've just been reading about. I present to you...

THE ALTERNATE WORLD OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

(not to be confused with The World of Modal Roberts)

Yes, a list of amazing puns for your pleasure. Let's get the ball rolling, shall we? See if you can guess which one is which.

The Thames Pest

A monster by the name Caliban is causing havoc in Central London waters. In steps Prospero, disgruntled ex Thames Water employee and now PETA lynchpin, to defend Cal's humanity. But he'll have to go through City of London Mayor, his brother Antonio, first....

Simple Dean

Dean Smith, a 20 something office worker, is fed up to the back teeth at taunts from his mates that he's a bit dim. Dean goes out of his way to prove that genius can be very subtle indeed.


King, Don

Boxing promoter Don King sets about tour of all 50 states of America with his wife and dog, facing hurdles along the way such as running out of petrol and his wife getting sick. The pugilistic mercurio deals with the problems in his own inimitable fashion.


Paul's well? That's Ben's Well!

Paul and Ben are two brothers who both contest the ownership of a family well, leading to ructions, romance and laughs along the way. And Noel Edmonds.

Rich Hurd the Bird

King Richard III is feeling lonely so pops out to the pet store to buy himself a parrot. He soon realises that this was a big mistake but is frustrated to learn the store has a no-returns policy.

A Fit Runner's Light Cream

Annie Tremain - dedicated marathon runner and charity worker - finds herself addicted to Ambrosia Double Cream, causing her to put on weight in the run up to her next event. That's when she hits upon the idea of inventing her own low fat cream, but one that loses none of the taste.

The Two Gentlemen Quaff Peroni

Valentine and Proteus fall for Silvia and Julia respectively, but then decide they want to go on a massive bender and the girls decide Val and Pro are not for them.

McBeth

Portishead vocalist Beth Gibbons makes a shock retirement from music to take up a position as manager of the Arbroath McDonald's. Things start off well but when friend Geoff Barrow turns up, things become a bit fraught and she questions her choices.

Perry Clees, Prince of Tyres

Perry Clees, loveable barrowboy about town, fulfils a life long dream by opening his own tyre shop in Dalston. Little does he know that his brother, John, has opened up a rival business down the road...

Ass? You Like it!

\Duke Frederick upsets the whole of the Forest of Arden by flashing his arse at any given opportunity. The townsfolk are loathe to quibble with him on the issue as he then goes on to threathen them with death lest any derogatory comment be made about his derriere. 

Henry the Sith

Henry V - Fivey to his mates - travels forward in time to train as Jedi Knight under the tutelage of Obi-Wan Kenobi. After successfully completing his training he is rewarded with a job lot of lightsabers which he takes back to his kingdom, deploying them at The Battle of Agincourt to successfully beat the French.

The Ferry Wife of Windsor Davies

Veteran actor and Welshman Windsor Davies goes mad and tells everyone that he's now wedded to a P and O liner. The news is met with great indifference.

Health Night

Viola disguises herself as a young man named Cesario so that she can infiltrate a men only Weightwatchers club as there are no other groups in her area. After revealing herself to be a woman she is made an honorary "Fat Lad".

The Claiming of the Shoe

Katherina and Petruchio have both been made homeless and are desperate for footwear. After Kath finds a sneaker down an alleyway, Petruchio grows jealous and devises a cunning plan to prise it off her. There's literally trouble afoot...


O Hello!

The inspiring story of a King's quest to learn how to speak.


Tight Ass Androgynous

Steven Pertwee grows his hair long and undergoes a style makeover, but continues to anger his friendship group through his stringent parsimony.

Henry the Sick, Part 1

Henry VI is told by his doctor that he has a heavy cold. Henry hears what he wants to hear and decides that he's only got three months to live.

Henry the Sick, Part 2

Henry compiles a bucket list in preparation for what he believes to be his imminent death; we hear of his trek to Macchu Picchu, skiing in the Alps and being an background actor in Les Miserables.

Henry the Sick, Part 3

The three months are up and Henry is not yet dead - he returns to the doctor to complain. The doctor's having none of it and tells him to leave, only for Henry to get his vengeance by having him struck off the medical register.


The Toilet and Cress Idea

Priam, King of Troy, is finding that putting a pot on a windowsill so that his cress can catch the sun simply isn't working. In his infinite wisdom he tries to grow cress in his toilet. Unsurprisingly it doesn't work and he blames it all on his kids.

Tie Man of Athens

Alcibiades, in a bold attempt to eclipse his mate Timon, makes a pun on T's name and begins to sell ties in the metropolis. It works and Timon surrenders his title to his good friend.

"The Winter's Stale"

Leontes becomes a prophet and starts making bold declarations about the seasons, stating that spring is fresh, summer is lukewarm, autumn is for dudes and winter is...stale.

Ham Lets

Laertes has had enough of poncing around in Denmark so relocates to Ham, West London, where he sets up a letting agents. We watch his progress as he experiences the peaks and troughs of being in the housing game, dealing with such problems as unlisted properties and a cottage on fire.



 

I'm going to add more as time progresses. Keep your eyes peeled for yet more hilarious wordplay.

Youtube Sketches

As you can see from the post below, we have begun putting sketches up on Youtube, each with their own distinctive covering picture. These pictures exist to set the tone for the sketch and to ensure there is something colourful for people to look at. With this in mind, workshop member Agnes and I set about creating some covering pictures, not for sketches which have been written, but for ones which we hope will be created in the future. However, when we sent them to Holly and Simon, they put their feet down and told us that our artistic talent was insufficient. Apparently there is a great divide forming between those in the workshop who can draw and those who can't.

In any case, Aggie and I have collected together our drawings and we submit them to you now for judgement. Remember, these sketches have not been created yet, we only have names. Vote for your favourite, which will then be recorded for your listening pleasure. Act quickly, before the arty types catch wind of this post and take it down. I'll put a snippet of imagined dialogue underneath each.

1) Dog Bowling - Stuart Gardener

Voiceover: 

You've heard of alley cats, but what about an alley dog?

SFX: Dog Bowling Theme

2) Bad Burglar - Stuart Gardener

*Burglar trips on rug and falls into cupboard under the stairs*

Burglar: 

Oh, ouch, oh god, who left that...mop... coat hook in the back...trousers have come off. That's going to hurt in the...

SFX: Police Sirens

Burglar:
Could this day get any worse? Oh, okay, that broom's going to have to be removed surgically.

 3) Bees - Agnes Henson

President Kennedy: 

Somebody better do something about these godda-

[Bee #1 Enters]

Bee #1: 

Buzzzzz

President Kennedy: 

For the love of god, who left the lid off the presidential honey pot? You've killed us all.

Bee #1:
Buzzzzz

4) Attack of the Flying Arse - Stuart Gardener

Crazy Scientist:
They said I was crazy. They said I was crazy to wonder whether an arse could fly.

Research Assistant:

That does sound pretty crazy.

Crazy Scientist:
How dare you! Flying arse, attack!

5) New Pope - Agnes Henson

Pope:

Ohh, Betty!

6) Court Appearance - Stuart Gardener

Judge:
I sentence you to five years hard labour.

Defendant:
Why don't you come over here and say that to my face?

Judge:
You want that? Fine! Gloves are coming off. You'd better have insurance cos I'm sending you to the hospital, muthafucka. 

Defendant:
Oh we are so fighting now. We are so fighting now.

7) Havana Wonderful Time - Agnes Henson

Fidel Castro:
My most trusted brother, before I die there is but one thing I ask.

Raul Castro:
Anything, anything for you.

Fidel Castro:
Set up the games table. I've got a real craving for monopoly.

Raul Castro:

You've got to be joking?!

Fidel Castro:
I'm going to get all the oranges. 

Videos!

HAHA!

I was dead chuffed the other day, right, because I spent about ten or twelve hours sitting at my desk, not moving for no one or nuffin, working on some vids. Or ‘VT’s as some people call them.

Any hoo, because of the Comedy Podcast success, I wanted to capitalise on that and take some of those brilliant sketches and turn them into Youtube video’s by means of adding on a brilliant illustration.

Now the illustrations took hours, and hours, choosing the right font, researching Cilla Black’s face that sort of thing. But after a whole day, in which I earned myself some cracking RSI and clocked up a good deal of procrastination, I had created this:

Jolly good isn’t it? With the face? Do you like the face? DO YOU LIKE THE FACE?

So I was all proud as a punch dragon of my achievement when along comes Simon Goodway. My arch rival.

That shame making nandy poop knocks this up in twenty minutes flat:

Obviously I will have to kill him in order to be the bestest and fastest illustrator in the Colchester Comedy Workshop.

However I would then be lumbered with the duty of creating ALL the illustrations for eternity. Plus, someone somewhere might notice he’s been sliced up into little teeny tiny pieces and lobbed in a bag for life...

Your Mother is a Hamster!

Well she might be, she might not. I am, of course, quoting from the wonderful, wonderful film: Monty Python and The Holy Grail, shown last night at firstsite as part of Colchester Comedy Festival.

We were ALL there: James, Aggie, Simon, Holly and that other one… I forget his name… Santa? (He is a very naughty boy)

Anyway we all had a jolly good laugh and then we were going to head on over to 15 Queen Street but it seemed like they were all having far too much fun so we went and sat in the corner of the pub drinking lime and soda’s.

We spent some time discussing how we were unable to have a meeting to discuss our comedy slot at the Hythe Festival because it is impossible for all of us to ever be together at once and then someone clever pointed out that we were all together now. So we had a bit of a meeting about what we are going to do to fill up the hour.

Our meeting was rudely interrupted when Mr Wigan demanded he tell us his sponge related story at which point Santa said he wanted us all to play poker and Simon admitted that his favourite film of all time was probably ‘Spaceballs’ despite never having seen it.

Although James tried his hardest to prevent the evening ending (his last ditch attempt was to yell at Simon ‘Are we wearing the same shirt?’ they weren’t) we eventually managed to crawl home just after midnight.

None the wiser as to how we are going to fill an hour at the Hythe Festival, but happier for having seen some Python.

Podcast Extravaganza Mk II

Belated podcast tidings to you all.

We apologise for all our avid listeners who have, quite simply, been frozen in their chairs, malnourished and frothing at the mouth since their latest listen of the Colchester Comedy Workshop Podcast Volume II, simply rocking backwards and forwards chanting “But who wrote the one about the breasts?  I MUST KNOW!” 

Panic no further.  Dust yourself off and please get on with your lives.  All is right with the world.

Or why not have another listen?  Go on…

Writing Credits:

    Shakespeare & Marlowe – Agnes Henson, Stuart Gardener & Norman Cleacher
    Bad Doctor – Simon Goodway
    “The World of Modal Roberts” Introduction – Stuart Gardener
    The World of Modal Roberts Parts 4/5/6 – Modal Roberts
    The Mousetrap – Simon Goodway
    Peter Scott’s Sport World (featuring Arsene Wenger) II – Norman Cleacher
    ARC – Lee Ashcroft
    Dr Yorick McCarthy’s Sci-Fi Book Club II – Norman Cleacher
    Blind Date – Stuart Gardener & Agnes Henson

Noah (Lee) and God (Tess)

 Aryn in his role as Consultant Editor

Fresh Meat

There were some new people at the Comedy Workshop this week.

New people are great! We need more people if we're going to take over the world and destroy all life, which is the ultimate goal of the Colchester Comedy Workshop. So naturally we wanted to make a good impression.

Things started pretty well, with some improv games to warm us up. But then the building decided to join in and improvised 'being on fire'. It wasn't really on fire, but that didn't stop the fire alarm going WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH for an annoyingly long time. At first it was entertaining watching James run around the building like a headless chicken trying to work out how to stop it, but after a while the noise got too much for us and we decided to wait outside in the cold.

Eventually the alarm cut out and we resumed our silly games, but only for a few minutes before exactly the same thing happened again. This time Stuart employed his considerable charm to persuade the nice people at Firstsite to give us a meeting room, and so we were able to continue in a relatively WAH WAH WAH free environment.

So far, not the best first impression for our newcomers. But that would certainly change when we started looking at some hilarious sketches!

I'd brought along a sketch I wanted the group to try out. I was keen to get some feedback because it's a sketch about a horrible racial stereotype, and if I'd not pitched the tone correctly there was a danger that it might come across as though the sketch itself was being racist, which I was quite keen to avoid. I got some useful feedback, which is great, but on the down side, our newcomers may have been left with the impression that I'm a massive racist.

Then we tried out a sketch by Phil. I don't even know how to begin to describe it. I can only say that I had no idea what was happening, and that it made me question my sanity, the nature of reality, and the purpose of existence. Goodness knows what our newcomers made of it.

I hope they come again next time. To be honest, it seems unlikely.

Another Month, Another Podcast Recording

A mere month after the first Colchester Comedy Workshop Podcast Extravaganza was thrust unasked for upon a bemused and mildly horrified world, we all got together to make another one! And by 'all' I mean those of us who didn't decide they'd prefer to go to Watford, or be ill in bed, or come along and knock on the door and then go home simply because no one let them in.

The rest of us - the plucky few who successfully entered Stuart's lovely house, its rug shaved with a Lady Shaver especially - recorded some sketches of such hilarity and genius that you won't be able to believe they weren't written by Cannon and Ball. Stuart cleverly stretched a stocking over a coat hanger and mounted it over the microphone, allegedly for superior sound quality, but taken in conjunction with the rug/Lady Shaver incident it seems clear that he simply has a fetish for feminising household objects. Also I caught him putting a bra on a Henry hoover.

Then there was pizza, and then we went to a pub quiz, which we would have won had James not overestimated the number of calories in a pint of Guinness by an astonishing factor of four. This may be why James doesn't have a successful career as a dietician.

And now all you lucky people have to do is wait a few days and then you'll be able to hear the podcast! It'll be great!

It's All About Improv

I admit it; the title's misleading. But only a little bit.

Following on from Holly's previous post, I wanted to post something that addresses some of the things one should think about when improvising. From my own experience, improvisation is something a huge amount of joy can be derived from - plucking a situation from mid-air and going with it and see whether it works. A good deal of the time, it won't. But that's the risk you run.

Firstly I wanted to address group improvisation, which is something we start the Workshop meetings with. One of the keys to any sort of success with this is to make sure you're totally comfortable with the people you're working with, and there's no easier way of doing this than stripping back social niceties and norms and just let yourself be loose. Playing simple warm-up games like stretching out, pointing at someone then saying your own name, walking around uttering nonsense like "mushrooms are not a fruit" and "bananas" are a great way to form some sort of bond with others, mainly because you're all in the same situation.

That's when you can go into improv proper. There's a great deal of different improvisation games you can play, a list of which can be found here: http://improvencyclopedia.org/games/index.html - a popular one being Freeze. A lot of the time this will involve two people, trying to let situations play out in as amusing a way as possible, often reaching absurd levels. As the name of the game might suggest, someone can jump in at any time they see fit and so the scene changes. Sounds easy, right? Not always. There are some important rules to follow when improvising with others, put best by Tina Fey, better known to many as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock (the first four seasons of which I would highly recommend) and a member of the Second City Improv Group, in her book Bossypants - http://mycareertopia.com/tina-feys-rules-for-improv-and-the-workplace/. Follow at least some of these rules and there's a recipe for, well, some success.

Which leads me onto solo improv. This is a totally different ballgame. A lot of the time when I'm performing I'll either deviate from the script or dispense with one entirely and really set a challenge to myself. I've found, especially in solo improv, that movement, intonation and expressiveness are three key things that'll help you. Winging it and letting rip can not only be nerve-wracking, it also has the potential to go wrong. But don't worry. If you keep yourself calm, collected, make sure to use the space available to you and fling your arms about, use your face to convey emotion and let these be the anchors you use to improvise a verbal piece around. It allows your breathing space, time to think and most importantly adds extra dimensions to your performance. Another good tip is to have two or three keywords at your disposal so that you've got a base to work around. It could be any three words. I recently did a performance where I incorporated cricket, a dry cleaners and an argument with a friend into proceedings and I felt it went quite well with good audience reaction.

There's not more I can really say about improv as my experience is very limited, but I challenge you all to try and perform improvised pieces and see where it takes you. If you're working to a script, don't let that constrain you. It's not a bad thing to interact with an audience now and then too - you can create rapport, and unless we're all curmudgeons, that's not a bad thing, right?

That's my two penneth for today. I don't know whether any of this has been any help, but let me assure you, I totally improvised this blog post. If I write any more it'll go into the realms of absurdity, so I'm going to go ahead and deny you that. So there.

Wenches and Astronauts

Where to begin?

Last night was a rather busy night for me, what with doing things and having to get dressed and leave the house and speak to people. It was awful.

But on the plus side I did have a wench lesson at the Headgate Theatre. This involved telling lies and talking utter tosh whilst channelling Nell Gwynne/Nancy from Oliver. I was made for it. In case you are wondering, I am doing this as part of the restoration comedy ‘The Country Wife’ on at the Headgate Theatre from the 10^th to the 13^th of April, tickets on sale now. Plug plug plug…

However there is a more important reason for my blog post, sort of.

I intended to tell you fascinated people about the Comedy Workshop! Twas held last night at 15 Queen Street!

This is EXACTLY how we all looked.

Well what we did was: we all shouted our names at each other for quite a long time and then walked about a bit and shouted a bit more. Then Aaron got told he wasn’t respected and I said it wasn’t my fault and although Aggie wishes she hadn’t… James really wishes he had.

Poor Simon…. Well he was threatened with being sawn in half and having his organs removed, he had both of his legs broken, fell through the ceiling and was mistaken for Roy Hudd; still he didn’t have to move very much and that is always quite nice.

Then we all turned into astronauts and died one by one.

If this all sounds like thoroughly exciting stuff, then follow this bloggy blog and find out more exciting things as they actually really happen! (Well, after they happen)

Taking the Plunge - Sketch Writing

For the most part, if you ask a comedian how long they spent *wanting* to write or perform, the answer will often be in years, or in some cases decades (Frank Skinner only started performing stand-up in his thirties). This is because there never seems to be an easy pathway into comedy, no apprenticeships or university courses. In fact, as a teenager with comedy dreams (dreams of being involved in comedy that is, not about turning into a Bigfoot and being grated onto a pizza) I always saw the world as being split up into two groups: those who were comedians and those who were not, with no middle ground. Therefore, I ended up thinking that if I sat down one day to write my first sketch and it was unfunny I would have finally answered the question "could I ever be good at this?" in the negative and precluded myself from ever making the leap from one group to the other.

A lot of people don't get past this initial hurdle or, if they do get round to writing a couple of sketches, think they aren't brilliant and then never try again. I have spent a long time experiencing waves of inspiration interspersed with troughs in which I had little faith in my ability. Often all it took to turn a peak into a trough was for me to realise one line I wrote did not work. However, this last half a year has been different, I have been far more consistent in writing and I feel as if my overall output has improved dramatically. I put this down to my decision to "just write" and to consider writing to be a learning experience in itself. Prolific writer and stand-up Richard Herring has been attempting something similar for the last 8 years. He is so convinced of the power of forcing yourself to write that he has set up a blog (http://www.richardherring.com/warmingup/) which he updates every day, whether he wants to or not. Anybody that has followed his career path will be able to draw their own conclusions as to whether or not his work has increased in quality as a result...

In this post I'll go through some of the ways that I forced myself to stop procrastinating and start getting stuff down on paper. I have only recently made the transition from "person who wants to write" to "person who writes" and I will be making no claims as to the quality of my work. I merely want to share some of aspects of my experience in the hope that more people will be inspired not to hide their light under a bushel and to, instead, release their bum jokes and sex puns for public consumption.

I want to start by highlighting what I think are, broadly, the three stages of sketch-writing: conception, fleshing out and writing. These require differing levels of effort. The concept often requires very little conscious energy as you can't force yourself to have a good idea. However, the fleshing out and the writing can often be arduous and time consuming. It is for this reason that most ideas either end up completely unwritten or abandoned. The point at which you sit down at notepad and start writing the whole thing becomes real and you have to worry about doing your idea justice. Finding the best way to frame something can be extremely difficult.

My suggestion is that you, as I mentioned before, just start writing! Force yourself to begin and then, subsequently, force yourself to finish. You'll be surprised how simple it can be to fill in the blanks in your idea once you've started. Writing comedy is easy. People will laugh at anything. A cat? Funny. Two cats? Twice as funny. Two cats in hats? Call the BBC!

Okay, that's not true, comedy writing requires a lot of effort and experience. Still, you must just start. Pick any idea, no matter how good and decide to write it. Don't worry about planning how it will be fleshed out; cross that bridge when you come to it. You'll find you can work out dialogue a lot better on the fly than you could by sitting down in a dark room for hours trying to find the perfect line. Don't get me wrong, I am not calling for people to create work which is overly simple or rushed. I believe that a piece of comedy should be intricate and polished. I just think that a solid foundation to a piece can be achieved without hours and hours of planning.

A further advantage of forcing yourself to write is that the more you do so, the better you'll become, regardless of the quality of your previous work. In addition you will find yourself thinking in ways that are more conducive to sketch writing, being better able to work out how funny ideas can fit into sketches and how you might be able to make a sketch out of things that annoy you...

Okay, so you've forced yourself to write. How do you stop yourself looking at the result, hating it, and becoming convinced you were never cut out for the whole thing in the first place? Well, after a few months writing it will become clear that the results are never apparent in the short term and can be very deceptive. In fact, in the nineties Stewart Lee gave up stand-up comedy believing it not to be for him. When he returned to it in the early 2000s he found that the responses he received were better, even with material he had written earlier on. The only factor he could see having changed was his age. People simply accepted his material when it came from a man nearing middle age rather than someone more youthful. In the case of Lee's early forays into stand-up  innate ability was far from correlated to outcome. A sketch or routine's success or failure is based on a number of factors, only one of which is the writer's innate ability. Does it make sense to assume that one to be foremost? Not really. One bad sketch does not a bad writer make.

Podcast Extravaganza

Hello all. I come to you at the tail end of a week which I have spent frantically editing together a disparate collection of audio clips into a (semi) cohesive collection which will form the first Colchester Comedy Workshop Podcast. I hope you will all subscribe on Itunes and take a listen as we should be producing one every month. I bring you this blog today to explain some of the trials we all faced in the making of the podcast and the things I learned in editing it together over the course of this week.

On Sunday 17/2 I bravely opened up my house to the oddballs and clowns of the workshop in the hope that they might be obedient, stand in front of microphones and read sketches. The day was, for the most part, a glorious success. We recorded three full sketches, created a couple of links and bore witness to Modal Robert's moral bankruptcy as he whipped off his trousers in the kitchen during the recording of a particularly lascivious monologue about wanking. Everyone seemed to have a laugh, which is what really matters (take that, audience) and all of the snacks were eaten. There was even talk of us all going for a lovely sit-down meal. Unfortunately one of our company rejected the offer in favour of returning home for a meal of tofu and plantain (or something).

None of us knew what to expect; however I tried to do a good job of looking like I knew what to expect so that everyone would feel at ease. I set up a vast array of equipment in the living room. It looked very professional; unfortunately it sounded relatively amateur and kept hissing at me. I learned that despite the best will in the world, I lacked the experience required to make the day go off without a hitch. However, I have gained a few insights into the world of voice recording. For example, when people haven't learnt their lines, it is a bad idea to have double-sided scripts as apparently turning a piece of paper over in the middle of the sketch makes a noise like a pipe-bomb. I also learnt that copyright is a complete bugger, and that the best way to deal with the issues surrounding the use of other people's work is to steal it and hope that they never notice. (If anybody from the workshop is worried that I might end up dropping them in it, have no fear, I'm more than willing to take the heat if and when the feds knock at the door.) I also learned that there are very few available audio effects that are suitable for approximating the sound of a woman made entirely of tinned goods falling into a cuckoo clock.

The end result, whilst being somewhat rough, was certainly encouraging. We ended up with some relatively good recordings of people's work and everyone got to be involved in the performance in some way. Regardless of the number of listens we receive, I think it is an achievement for us to have got together and created something half an hour long which is not utterly despicable. I spoke to Gavin, one of the members of the workshop, yesterday and he mentioned the fact that being involved in something like this had been an ambition of his for a long time, but that he had lacked the requisite platform. I think that is a common problem amongst comedy types. Thinking you might be capable of writing and performing is a far cry from actually doing it and the lack of opportunities can be infuriating. It was a feeling of such frustration after performing comedy at a poetry slam last year which made me decide to set something up in Colchester. The fact that we have accrued about 60 sketches on celtx.com and are now at a point where we have released half an hour of material means that the workshop is at least a partial success. I have ridiculously high expectations for the rest of 2013.

I am very much looking forward to the next podcast, when material can be custom-written for it and we will have more time to hash out a cohesive structure. It will also, hopefully, be slightly shorter so I can actually earn some money during the week after instead of spending it editing.

Stuart

Here is a rundown of the sketches one by one with credits provided:

1) Dr Yorick McCarthy's Sci-Fi Bookclub
2) Pirates Will be Prosecuted - Simon Goodway
3) Peter Scott's Sportworld (Featuring Arsene Wenger) - James Sarek & Stuart Gardener
4) The World of Modal Roberts Parts 1/2/3 - Modal Roberts
5) The Art of War - Simon Goodway
6) Filth Warning - Holly Powis
7) Audio Diary of a Nobody - Modal Roberts
8) The Perfect Date - James Sarek
9) Jekyll and Hyde - Stuart Gardener

Additional material was provided by Agnes Henson and original music was composed by Louise Byrne.

PS. The following interviews were shot by me as part of my "making everyone feel at ease" campaign.

Sunday Comedy Podcast

Right, well. We all did a very special thing! No not like that.

What happened on the Sunday just gone (17th of February if you want to get all specific) was that the whole of the Colchester Comedy Workshop people/members (except those that didn’t attend) went round to someone’s house - I forget whose, but there were stairs involved – in order to record things onto a compoooter.

James made sure he gathered together some of the most noisiest snacks available in the whole wide world: like nuts and biscuits and crisps, because he thought it would be more challenging that way, and we all wanted a challenge. We definitely all wanted challenges.

That was also why Stuart made sure that the equipment didn’t quite work the way it was supposed to. It was all to make sure that he had a nice challenge.

Well we talked into microphones and sat about laughing at ourselves for a bit. Then Modal locked himself in the kitchen with his laptop and asked not to be disturbed for a while. He may not have been disturbed, but I certainly was.

Any hoo the point is that you lot (our adoring fans) can actually get your ears wrapped around our podcast any day soon!

Ain’t that exciting! Just you wait my little adorable squiggles of joy, you are not going to able to contain yourselves!

Welcome To....

The Colchester Comedy Workshop blog.

We hope, by setting up this page, to provide you with things to laugh at, as well as information about up and coming events, reviews, videos, all that sort of malarkey.

If you'd like to become an administrator for the group - so that you too can post - just contact Colchester Comedy Workshop - colchestercomedyworkshop@gmail.com.

Now, here's a video for you to be getting on with: